maybe it's not that i dont deserve a good day, maybe it's just that i can't seem to earn one.
I was surprise, at first. Truth. It was surprising to see that she understood so much about things i never opened up too.In the past two weeks, i opened up to two people dear to me. In fact, one was just this Sunday. I was shock that i actually got the words out... and even more shock to see and hear their response. Its... not what i expected. And i didnt ended up feeling very guilty about it afterward. I really, really appreciated that.But today, it seems like the usual guilt creeped back.Im not sure why. Or what. What guilt? ... Its not exactly 'guilt.' Its just that, when i opened my mouth and let too much things voice themselves, i always end up reviewing it all in my head, all the time. Thinking whether it was right to say so much. Sometimes, most of the times, i do regret.I regret opening my mouth.Which, i guess, wouldnt make any sense to those people who're always calling me quiet, since, ever.And it doesnt help when i finally open up, and i end up regretting it completely.Its not like im exactly happy of how i was raised. Not in the sense youre thinking. Its.. different. Complicated. And i, dont feel comfortable saying it. I've never said it before. Probably never would.I know what they think. Humans are typical and predictable. Probably to few, i am as well. The thing is, i meant what i said on Sunday to my cousin...- People are too judgemental. But they're supposed to be judgemental, yknow. Human nature, i understand... I just feel its too much.
- People these days are such sissys.
- People continue, they dont create.
- People follow, they dont lead.
- People aren't fake, but arent original either.
- People go in groups, just like sheeps.
- People understand a lot of things, but not everything.
- And people arent different. All through out the world, you will find, at least, at least, one person just like you. Its just the matter of fact that you're rare.
I dont know. Maybe im starting to say too much here now. But..
Maybe its not that i dont deserve a good day. Everyone deserves a good day... Its just i cant seem to earn or make one.
Now its 6.09pm, i need to shower. Tuition at 7...i hope im not late.
I cant wait to sleep this off. But i know it'll still be there tomorow morning.
It wasnt like i never knew i didnt fit. Its just, the days when its more prominent, prove to be too much for me.
Majority of people's days, i believe, are made up of, if not good, then at least 'OK' days...
Majority of People.
Labels: majority..
Tuesday, April 6, 2010,5:50 PM |
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