you haven't see the puppies yet ah? im very disappointed.
- My mum, few minutes ago.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010,4:02 PM |
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if you think it's time to move on and forget, you're sorely mistaken.
I don't want a puppy. I don't two puppies. I want Teddy, back home, safe and sound. Today, tomorrow, whenever, but soon. I want Teddy. It's not time to forget. It's not time to... wtf move on? But no, you had to go and do it eh. I never said anything. However, i am guilty of ever thinking bout it during the holidays. But its just thinking; how am i ever gonna do it? Not thinking, "Hey, i want a new puppy!" But noo, you had to go and do it don't you? You had to go get not only one new little puppy, but two. One for me and one of my sister, eh? Was that what you said? Well i don't want it. Why do you have to be so insensitive? Or do you not realise you're being that way? You think just cos i don't mentioned anything, that i've forgotten? That i... what? Don't care? Because i've been avoiding going outside, you think im just lazy. You think.. i could'nt care less? Seriously? I, can't, believe you did that. I Dont Want A Puppy or two, I want my Teddy back. I don't want to 'move on' with a new puppy, my old one was just fine and barely even 5 years plus in age. What? SERIOUSLY? Did you think i've moved on? Fuck, that hurts. You know i placed his photoframe right by my bed? You know the first time i stared at it there, by my bed, atop my head, whenever i sleep, I actually teared up a bit? ... But, then, here it is. Today. My first official breakdown. Around 6.15pm, just back from badminton practice. Damn, it's really an insult that you think what i want rightnow, is a new puppy? A new pet? Seriously? Heh, i cant even handle it. When you said those words, to settle down my curiousity and unsureness of what that squeaky barking was, "Nah, go see. One for you, one for Jiejie."I had to bite down to keep my teeth shut. Its not what i want. Its not even what i can take rightnow. So yeah, i spent half an hour in my room after i got home, crying and sobbing and getting my nose stuck with snot. And now, im apparently typing my shits here. Sobbing, running nose, running tears, sticky and wet keypad...Seriously, it hurts... and it insults me that you think i'll want a replacement, for Teddy. And this soon again! It was mid April. Mid April~ mid May= 1 month. ~mid June=2months. Coming to mid July=3months. You think i dont realise i could very well be an idiotic physcho to just wait and wait and wait and wait, i mean, wait til when right? But what are you expecting me to do? I didnt cry infront of you yet. I dont want to. I didnt even go near or have a peek at the new pups, and i dont want to. Not now, not today, not anytime soon. I'm not ready, and i'm not trying to be ready.Damn, now i can't stop crying. And i need a tissue.Oh, and tomorrow's tuesday? What i great first day of a new term of school eh. Huh.Labels: snot.
Monday, June 21, 2010,11:09 PM |
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i wish these deep breaths would make me better,
But truth is, im way to numb to feel anything. Feel better, feel worst? 2 weeks past, more-or-less. Nothings changed. My rooms still a mess. All the things i said i would do are still undone. Im still waiting. Im still... doing nothing. Im still a mess. I know who's suppose to be next to me, but i dont know where he is rightnow. I know what im suppose to do, but once again, i dont really know how to get started.
All in all, the past 17 days, didnt do anything for me, but im not ready to move on.
And here it goes again; school's starting tomorrow.
I dont really know what im gonna do from here on. But... hell's startin tomorrow. Again.
Labels: no direction, no motivation.
Sunday, June 20, 2010,11:08 PM |
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