she pisses me off. i don't wanna hear her. so lets go deaf.
I HATE ALL THESE PASSPORT SHITS. I HATE THEM. I HATE THAT I HAVE TO WAKE KINDA EARLY & GET READY & GO KB & GO TO THAT BUILDING. FIRST, I DONT FEEL LIKE GOIN ANYWHERE. WAKE UP EARLY? FINE. I CAN DO THAT. SURE, NO PROB, REALLY... WAKE UP EARLY & GO KB? FUCK, I DONT WANT. I RATHER STAY HOME... GO KB, DO STUFFS LIKE MAKING PASSPORT, SHIT, IM NOT IN THE MOOD... FINE, LEAVE ME HOME WHILE YOU GO KK! DONT SAY IT AS IF YOU DONT CARE WHETHER I GO OR NOT. CAUSE, YUU-HUU, IM YOUR YOUNGEST. AND YOUR TWO OLDER ONES, HAVE BETTER THINGS TO CONSIDER DOIN. LIKE WASTING MONEY HANGING WITH FRIENDS. SO DONT SAY IT AS IF YOU DONT CARE. AS IF ITS ALL "IF I WANNA GO, I BETTER... , OTHERWISE WE LEAVE YOU." ITS NOT ALL ABOUT ME. OK? I DONT HAVE A FUCKING LIFE? YEH. ILL DO NOTHING USEFUL. IM FINE WITH THAT. CAUSE I DONT HAVE A LIFE. I FUCKING KNOW THAT. SO WHAT? IM 15TEEN, HOW FAR/HOW MUCH COULD I DO ANYWAYS? IN MY STATE? I FEEL LIKE CRAP. I FEEL NERVOUS. I FEEL LIKE SLEEPING TIL THE END. I FEEL SO NERVOUS, THAT IT COULD DEFINITELY QUALIFY AS "SCARED." WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DISTURB MY HIBERNATION. ITS THIS THURSDAY, OK, OR, AT LEAST, IN BOUT 2 WEEKS TIME, THE MOST, MAYBE. OK? DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE UP MY ASS? ALL THE TIME? ALL, ALL THE TIME? DO YOU, HAVE, TO? REALLY? WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, I CANT STOP CRYING. I CRY, THEN I STOP, I GO OUT AND GIVE THE STUFFS TO YOU, I GO BACK TO MY ROOM, AND I CRY. MY MIND ISNT EVEN THINKING OF ANY KIND OF SHIT. SO WTF AM I CRYING? ITS LIKE IT EXIST EVEN WHEN IM DEAD. IM NOT THINKING ABOUT IT. IM NOT THINKING ABOUT ANYTHING. IM NOT WANTING TO CRY, AND AM NOT WAITING TO. IM NOT THAT MUCH OF A DRAMA ASS. OR WAIT, AM I? OH, GUESS SO EH? ITS LIKE ITS MY NATURAL STATE OR SOME SHIT.BUT, LASTLY, YOU REALLY DO PISS ME OFF. YOU SERIOUSLY, DO.FUCK, AND YES, ITS A FUCKING ANOTHER WEDNESDAY TOMORROW. PAPA WILL BE GOIN OFFSHORE FOR A WEEK. HE'LL MISS DOIN THE PASSPORT WITH ME. HE'LL MISS, THE MAYBE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE RESULTS. HELL, HE'LL MISS MY GRADUATION, BY ONE FUCKING DAY. FUCK, WHY, COULDNT IT BE ON THURSDAY NIGHT. WTF TUESDAY... HE'LL BE MISSED. HE'LL BE WISHED THAT HE WASNT WORKING FOR THIS PARTICULAR FUCKING WEEK... BY ME.SO, YEAH, TODAY, I FEEL MORE CERTAIN THAT IM DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL, THEN MUMMY'S ANGEL, PEHH, LIKE AS IF. HE WAS FINE WITH IT. HE SAID PASS, CAN ALRDY. THAT MEANT A LOT. HA. SO FUCKING MUCH THAT I CANT STOP TEARING UP RIGHTNOW. YES, RIGHTNOW. MY NOSE'S RUNNING, AND SO ARE THE TEARS, DOWN MY CHEEK. MY FINGERS ARE WET FROM RUBBING THEM AWAY. THIS KEYPAD IS STARTING TO FEEL STICKY.SO, YEAH, I DARE AS HELL SAY IT TODAY, I WISH IT WAS MY DAD WHO RESIGNED AND IS ALWAYS HOME, RATHER THAN MY MUM. WHICH IS JUST STUPID. CAUSE, HERES THE THING; I LOOK LIKE MY MUM. ALMOST EXACTLY. MAYBE THE ONLY FACIAL FEATURE I GOT FROM MY DAD ARE MY LASHES... AND IM CLOSE WITH MY MUM. IM SO FUCKING MANJA WITH HER. BUT... SHE REALLY PISSES ME OFF. SHES THE ONE ALWAYS GIVING ME EMOTIONAL TORMENTS. SHES THE ONE ALWAYS PUSHING THINGS WAY TOO FAR. SHES THE ONE, SINCE I COULD RMMBER, WAS THE USUAL REASON I CRIED WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. SHE JUST WONT LET IT GO. SHE TALKS ABOUT A FUCKING TOPIC THAT JUST PISSES ME OFF, AND SHE KNOWS THAT, AND SHE'LL GO ON AND ON... AND WHEN I START CRYING, SHE'LL SCOLD ME FO CRYING. I RMMBER, I USED TO CRY A LOT IN RESTUARANTS LASTIME, CAUSE THATS WHEN SHE ALWAYS STARTING TALKING ALL THE SHITTY THINGS. I WOULD START CRYING. AND SHE'LL COMPLAIN ABOUT PEOPLE LOOKING. BOUT ME LOOKING LIKE A BABY. HA, AS IF I DONT KNOW THAT, AS IF I WANTED THAT. I RMMBERED, ME TRYING SO HARD TO STOP, TO REALLY STOP, BUT I COULDNT. I SOBBED LIKE HELL AND SOUNDED LIKE A STUPID CAR ENGINE THAT WOULDNT START... BUT I COULDNT STOP. I RMMBER ALWAYS VOWING THAT I'LL STOP TALKING TO HER. HA, LIKE IM THE ONLY ONE WHOSE EVER THINKED LIKE THAT. YOU GET REALLY PISSED, AND YOU PROMISE YOURSELF THAT YOU'LL NEVER TALK TO THAT PERSON AGAIN, THAT YOU'LL GIVE UP BEING SO CLOSE WITH THAT PERSON. BUT THAT WONT LAST. SOON, YOULL BE TALKING AGAIN. CAUSE YOU'RE FAMILY.THIS HAPPENED SO MANY TIMES, WITH MY BROTHER, MY SISTER, MY MOTHER... AND THE LEAST, MY FATHER. DIDNT HAPPEN MANY TIME, BUT DOESNT MEAN IT DIDNT HAPPEN. LASTIME IT ALWAYS HAPPEN WITH MY BROTHER, CAUSE HE WAS JUST A JACKASS, HE STILL KINDA IS.. BUT, FOR THE FEW YEARS LATELY, ITS ALWAYS BEEN WITH MY MUM. SINCE SHE RESIGNED, WE GREW CLOSER, TRUE. I RMMBER SHE PROMISING STUFFS LIKE SENDING ME FO PIANO LESSONS, OR GUITAR OR WHATEVER I WANTED TO LEARN. I RMMBER THIS ONE TIME, SHE SAID SORRY TO ME. CAUSE SHE SCOLDED ME FOR NO REASON WHEN I TRIED MANJA MANJA WITH HER, JUST CAUSE SHE WAS ANGRY THAT TIME, BUT NOT CAUSE OF ME... NOW, HOW OFTEN DOES THAT HAPPEN? THAT A MOTHER SAYS SORRY TO HER CHILD. I WAS HAPPY THAT TIME. I APPRECIATED IT. I WAS TOUCHED. AND NOT LIKE STUPID SOMBONG SPOILT CHILD TOUCHED OR WHAT WHAT, I APPRECIATED IT, I REALLY, REALLY DID.BUT, ABOVE EVERYTHING, ABOVE THE FACT THAT I DO, LOVE MY MOTHER, ABOVE THE FACT THAT I AM VERY CLOSE TO HER... SHE STILL FUCKING PISSES ME OFF.Labels: ma.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009,10:46 PM |
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