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Disclaimer

hi, how are you?

Is it.

"Blood may be thicker than water,

but family ties means nothing.

Its the attitude and actions that matter."

See? I can't be wrong, now can I, if even the radio says it. It took so much of my inner strength from resisting shouting out, "NAH! IN YOUR FACE!"

You're being really blind. Once again, i get it; You're a mother, he's your son. Not just a son, he's your first and only son. Fine. But rightnow its just about reaching bullshit.

You think I woke, what? 4 in the afternoon?

Blah, i woke at 11am. Yeah, maybe thats still kinda late, but you said before 12 right?

Just cos i dont go out of my fcking room, doesnt mean im still fcking snoozing.

You think i wake up, wanting to be angry, and no mood?

I dont want it. I just have it; No mood. Anger. Irritation.

Is that my fault?

Is it my fault that you have a shit of a son?

Is it my fault, you're still too blind to realise that?

Is it my fault, mine? Everything?

Including around 3 years of wasting education,

wasting money overseas?

wasting oppurtunities?

wasting the very little money he actually, earned from that pathetic holiday job at the workshop, on that lame-ass car of his?

the car, which he bought for 4thousand dollars (oh, ya, cheap cheap)

then spent maybe another 4thousand fixing it up cos it's that much of a shit?

is that worth it? buying a terrible car? and spending just as much money just to fix it?

then saying,"after repair, i wont be using parents car loh"

but then, here we are, around a year later.

he still has to spend money fixing new problems that keep arising,

and he's still always using parents car, while that fcking car of his is sitting in the fcking garage.

Why?

cos he modified it to the extent, that police would definitely stop him if they saw him on the road..

so whats the point? whats the fcking point of buy a car, when you're still using your parents'?

Is it my fault, that i hate my brother,

after him being an ass for the past 3 years?

is it my fault, that he scolded Teddy for no fcking reason, when he was angry?

or was it teddy's fault for barking at him in the first place because he was shouting and swearing out loud like a freaking phycho?

Is it my fault, that maybe, subconciously, i do blame my brother for Teddy not being home, still?

Am I wrong for thinking like that?

Is it my fault that you keep saying your older sister's daughter

already graduated, with first class honours, from UK?

that she was the first in the family?

that even your elder brother whos now a principal, graduated with only second or third class?

is it my fault that your son, who's the same age, and supposed to be in the same year as her,

is still schooling? and still has around 2 years, before actually, graduating?

Is it my fault your husband's so tight on money now?

So, yeah..

Is it all my fault,

that i wake up everyday,

not happy?

because, what is there, really, for me to be purely happy about?

My Teddy still hasnt come home.

Theres lots more personal problems going around at home.

No one seems to support me in what i wanna do.

You, and papa being all, "why no study? later no good results, me sad oh. koko already not doing well"

.....

Does that really concern me?

the fact that he hasnt woken up and realised that he's been being immature for the past 3 years?

Is it my fault that, this is how your first child ended up growing?

Is it my fault, that, honestly, you're not that proud of him?

Is it my fault Teddy's not back yet?

Is it my fault i dont talk as such as you want me to?

Is it my fault you think there's something wrong with me, mentally?

Would it be my fault, if I actually, did have something wrong with me?

That im antisocial?

That im unhappy?

Is it my fault?

that I think this way?

cos it seems like i'm the only one thinking this way.

Oh, and p/s. I won't mind if you won't bring me to the hospital if I have gastric, (as i've been skipping lunch)... BECAUSE, i know myself. I know when my stomach would be grinding on its own walls. I know when im hungry. which, btw, im not! So yeah, im not hungry, i dont eat lunch. I also, wont get gastric OK? So you can quit with that shit your going on about. I don't like hospitals anyways. So, yeah.

with annoyance, and yeah,

maybe a bit of hatred,

Labels: is it.

Saturday, November 27, 2010,10:31 PM | comment | 0 comment(s)